Wednesday 3 December 2008


Crank is a 2006 movie starring Jason Statham as a hit man with an embryonic conscience, who is pumped full of a drug which is intended to kill him in an hour. His assailant, a fellow gangster, leaves him a DVD to explain his fate, but fails to bargain for Statham’s persistence in trying to save himself from a fate even worse than death – that is, approaching death knowing what is going to happen to you, but aware that you are powerless to do anything about it.

So much for the premise of the movie. It is, in more ways than one, an adrenaline-packed thriller, but really it’s just a comic book translated to the silver screen and it certainly didn’t thrill me. Statham is not, at least in the first half of the movie, a character for whom I felt any sympathy at all. In fact, there were moments when I wanted the end to come even sooner than it did. The story-line is so wildly over the top that to say suspension of disbelief is required is a massive under-statement.

The film does have its plus points, including shafts of black humour – often grisly or vulgar, but sometimes genuinely funny, for those not of a sensitive disposition. Nor is it as mindlessly slick as it pretends. But it’s not a film I’d be in a tearing hurry to watch again.


Jane said...

A much better use of the same premise (knowing how and when you will die) is "A Prayer For Owen Meany" by one of my favourite writers, John Irving.

Anonymous said...

Sounds a bit like DOA, as we were discussing the other day! I'm pretty backed-up with my recordings - have yet to watch Wallander and the Devil's Whore (civil war drama with John Simm), and Little Dorrit awaits for when the series has doubt I will be able to make time for this movie based on your review.

Philip Amos said...

The plot of this rang a bell, a rather faint one at first, but after racking the old brain for a bit I suddenly thought of that fine actor Edmund O'Brien. He starred in a splendid 1950 noir movie called D.O.A., the plot of which turns entirely upon his efforts to find out who has poisoned him with some form of radiation and why. Splendid stuff as I recall and now regarded as something of a classic. I strongly suspect the 1988 remake is not.

Martin Edwards said...

Jane, I've read some of John Irving, but not Owen Meany. Will look out for it.
Maxine and Philip - agreed, it's a variant on the old theme. I too have Wallander and various other goodies awaiting more viewing time. Maybe at Christmas!

Ali Karim said...


I just have to say that basically I found "Crank" to be completely "W*NK". I stopped watching it after 25 mins, and then fast forwarded to the end.

It is tasteless, worthless, brainless, and bizarre to the extreme; in fact it is like a lump of festering and rotting rat manure, left on hot oven-top and vomited on by a large horse with a stomach problem and artifical leg.

'CRANK' [aka 'W*NK'] was nonsensensical tripe of the worst kind, in fact I would consider it the worst film I have attempted to watch ever, and totally "W*NK" and worth less than washings of fetid owl who ate three crabs infected with typhoid.

In fact just thinking about "C*RANK" makes me shudder at how anyone could have green-lighted such a pile of TO*S.

If it was the last film ever made, I send the DVD in a space rocket to the furthest corner of the universe, so if aliens ever found it, they would realise what a completly useless species Mankind is, and you wouldn't mess with such moronic To*sers.

That would avert an alien invasion, failing that I'd offer copies to all Bankers [as a Xmas bonus] who helped scupper the world economy, and see if they remain sane after viewing such a dreadfull pile or decay and fetid celluloid.

Phew, glad I gor that off my chest


Martin Edwards said...

Thanks, Ali. A comment more entertaining than the film! Congrats on the new blog by the way.

Ali Karim said...

ROFL, sorry I was having a bad day, yesterday! My brother-in-law bought me Crank on DVD as he knew how much I enjoy action movies, but man what a duff film.

Thanks for seeing the amusing side of my incoherent rant!



Martin Edwards said...

And, Ali, Existentialist Man is now on the blogroll - long may it flourish!

JZID said...

I have not seen "Crank" - interestingly enough, I just saw another post that "Crank 2" is going to be scored by none other than Mike Patton, formerly of the band Faith No More, which is enough to make me want to consider checking out the new film if not just to listen to the music.

check it out here:

He also recently scored and released the short film, A PERFECT PLACE, on his label IPECAC, which I highly recommend. It is a humorous "what to do with a dead body" story.